No. 14: Broomstick Conundrum
Dear Pards,
It’s the first weekend in May, two weeks past tax day, which means I can finally slip out after work for some weekday holes with no wife or kids to come home to. My offseason golf has consisted mostly of 8 footers on the Perfect Putting mat in the office. Strokes gained carpet putting is high, but when I get on grass the putter feels like a hockey stick. When Akshay won at Bay Hill a few weeks back, I went and grabbed the mop from the supply closet and started anchoring sweeping it across the floor last week. A buddy of mine let me borrow his and I hate to admit how nice it feels. Do I bite the bullet and go broomstick or stick to the tried and true Newport 2 I’ve used for years?
-Swept up in Charlotte
Dear Swept Up,
There are gut feelings we all get that are often unexplainable. They range from intrusive thoughts to real convictions that require real action. The mettle of a man is often judged by his ability to discern between the two when they come. There is no knock in reaching out for help; in fact, it's often the most admirable thing to do in tricky situations like the one you've found yourself in. Lord knows how hard it was to keep myself accountable without my wife, so the fact that you wrote in tells me you're already ahead of the curve.
I can say with confidence that the idea of switching to what looks like a medieval trident to roll your pill with is what my wife would call an "inside thought."
I do not know where you stand on the religious spectrum, but if the Holy Spirit does, in fact, live inside of you, I can say with certainty (without being your pastor) that buying a broomstick putter is a temptation, not a calling.
I don't care what the numbers say. I don't care that your stroke average may drop from 86.3 to 83.7. I don't even have strong ties to the game's traditions the way others do. I just take one look at those five-foot, futuristic, carbon-fiber-shafted, slanted hatchets and know that this is the line in the sand Old Tom Morris never wanted us to cross.
I was part of the cult of kids in the early 2000s, playing Anser-style putters, channeling my inner '08 Torrey Tiger, trying to bounce a 12-footer across beat-up bentgrass greens at dusk to beat my brother. I know where you are coming from. I also know the times have changed. I'm not blind to the fact that the top ten putters in the world all use mallets. I'm not asking you to be stubborn and stay in a blade. I'm asking you to show some self-respect.
If you end up ignoring my advice and spending close to four figures on a putter longer than your driver, I would advise you to keep it to yourself, and more importantly, far from your Hinge profile.
Just get a Spider,
P╞r╠℮P.S. This week’s Postage Stamp is The Cradle, the short course featured on our May postcard sent to our subscribers, by Dave Baysden. If you’d like a digital copy for your TV, you can grab it here.
Thanks for reading. This past Sunday, I got the chance to spend some time with a friend of the program, Tom Coyne, up in Philadelphia at his book launch for A Course Called Home at Intown Golf. I’m a few chapters in and have already ventured down Reddit rabbit holes of golf courses that could be closing. Don’t tell my wife.
This project is ever evolving. I always go back to that scene from The Social Network where Sean Parker says this to Eduardo:
“The Facebook is cool. That’s what it’s got going for it. You don’t wanna ruin it with ads, because ads aren’t cool.”
- Sean Parker (The Social Network)
Not that anyone even wants to advertise with us anyway. Or that we could ever be worth anything more than a case of Fresca and a handshake. Let alone a billion dollars. It’s more just the idea that I can play around and try new things to make the whole project better and more enjoyable for everyone. Like the “Letter to the Locker Room” segment I threw in this week, which is a nod to Arnie often writing letters to winners on Tour. Writing the letter and posting a picture of it was inspired by Austin Kleon’s typewriter interview, which my friend Kyle sent me earlier this week. Right up the alley of what we are all about.
As always, if you enjoy this type of content, we’d love for you to consider joining the Postage Club.
For $5/month, you’ll get a letter similar to the one above. But a bit more reverent. On the back is an original print by my buddy, Dave Baysden. You'll also find a blank postcard with custom art, ready to send to someone near or far. We even put a stamp on it for you.
I just dropped dozens of envelopes into the little blue box outside the Post Office this morning, which will hopefully make their way across the country (and Canada now!) over the next few days. We’d love to mail it to you, too. Use code PARDS for the first month on us. Zero commitment. Cancel the second it feels like spam.
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