No. 29: Not Now, Dad
Dear Pards,
38 years old. High floor for an 8.7, yet very low ceiling. Pastor at a (mini) mega non-denominational church for the past fifteen years. One thing ministry has taught me is that everybody wants to be coached by somebody who's "walked the road."
So naturally, when my son turned 10 this spring and started begging to get serious about golf, I figured: who better to teach him than me? I broke 80 myself for the first time last year and have spent my entire career trying to break down complex truths into something a kid can actually understand. Isn’t that basically what coaching golf is?
It seems to be going okay. He seems to be getting better and even shot a 44 last week at a nine-hole event run by the Tarheel Youth Golf Association. But to be honest, it could have been 41 if he had listened to the setup advice I gave him on the range before the round. At times it seems like he does the exact opposite of what I tell him, simply out of spite.
I know how to shepherd grown adults through divorce, addiction, doubt, you name it. But somehow I can't figure out how to make what I’m saying on the range click with my ten-year-old. I love him and want to watch him succeed. Yet I’m at a loss for what else I can do, and/or how to do it.
-Seeking Guidance in Greensboro
Dear Seeking Guidance,
As mentioned in a prior post, I’m not quite at this stage of parenting. My 18-month-old is still on tripod duty, filming me looking like Bryson in Birkenstocks as I try to chase a course record at a six-hole short course.
That said, I have lived through junior golf with a father of my own, as well as witnessed a plethora of wannabe Mikes who think their child is the next Justin Thomas.
Since you are in ministry, I thought this clip from Keller might be helpful as you navigate this next season of your son’s golfing life.
“Everybody in this room, if you're a Christian, you got certain talents, you have certain life experiences, you've got certain aptitudes, you've even got certain things that you suffered that make you as unique as a thumbprint, as unique as a snowflake with regard to ministry. What I mean by that is there are some people that pretty much only you can reach. There are some hands that pretty much only you can hold and comfort. And there are some needs that only you will resonate with and even see and meet.”
-Tim Keller (2014, Our Vocation: Lay Ministry)
Yes, most of us need to be more than the baton-waving traffic guy in a fluorescent vest outside church on Sunday morning. And probably evening too, in your case.
I know this reference is about evangelism and lay ministry, not helping your kid break 50, but like many other issues, the golf and God circles overlap, and given your vocation, I figured it might help make things click for you.
There’s a great chance that there is some version of Utley, Pelz, and Mayo out there who is the right person to tell your kid how to chip. It doesn’t sound like that person is you. Your job is to encourage him outside the ropes of competition and instill in him the confidence that you love him regardless of how shut his shoulders are at address.
I realize your immediate reaction might be something like, “But you don’t know my son. I know him better than anyone else.” Yet that might be precisely the problem. If your kid is anything like me, oftentimes the truth takes root when it’s told by someone outside their immediate sphere.
I know your job is preaching, but for your son, it might be wiser to point him toward someone else’s pulpit.
P╞r╠℮P.S. The stamp at the top of the newsletter is an infamous wicker basket flagstick from Merion, by Dave Baysden. It may also be the print on 5×7 118lb cotton stock for this month’s mail club.
I must admit, I watched more of Merion than Memphis this past weekend. It was fun to see the father-son duo get it done in the rain outside of Philadelphia on Sunday. Evidence that there is hope with Dad on the bag! Though, from Whaley’s quotes, it sounds like this wasn't always the case throughout his junior career.
If you enjoyed watching the wicker basket flagsticks as much as I did, you’ll enjoy the fifth edition of Volume 1 of the mail club that drops in the mail tomorrow morning, a few days later than the normal scheduled programming. We’ll be back on track for the first week of September for No. 06.
If you read that last paragraph and have no idea what I’m talking about, click the button below and use code PARDS so I can send it to you for free. If you sign up for a yearly subscription between now and the end of the month, not only will I send you a sick high-crown visor with Ted Scott our logo on it, but I’ll also throw in our August edition as well.
Thankful you’re here.
