No. 21: Toxic Marriage
Dear Pards,
My best friend is engaged and set to get married tomorrow night in the Hamptons. Should be the happiest news of the year, except the guy she's marrying is, by every account I can give, a grade-A fucboi. Comes across charming. Says the right stuff. But I've seen the other side.
His first marriage ended differently depending on who you ask. Then there’s the drywall patch that mysteriously appeared in the wall of my friend’s kitchen. The worst is the way he laughs off "kids someday" when you know he means never.
We've all said something. More times than once. She tells me I don't understand him, and that I'm only seeing the bad side of things. And maybe she's right. Except she’s not.
My husband reads your column and has turned his head to this whole debacle because “the guy’s good at golf,” so I’m on an island here.
What (legal) last-ditch effort can I make to prevent my best friend from marrying a pig tomorrow?
-Concerned Friend in Southampton
Dear Concerned Friend,
We all have that friend who constantly finds themselves entangled with what the kids would call a “red flag.” Unfortunately, your situation is a tale as old as time.
At first, it’s harmless. He's nice enough to the friend group. He even picks up the tab most of the time in group settings. But get him behind closed doors, and no locker wall is safe.
As time goes on, she meets the family, and the friend group is forced to face the fact that the wall-punching, child-hating, blow-pig very well might win the US Open marry your best friend.
It’s not great.
It sounds like this guy’s first marriage ended with a swipey, slap cut, and the off-putting comments about kids don’t sit well with me either.
On one hand, I tip my hat to the guy who clearly has the game to beat out the rest of the competition. And on the other, you can’t escape the unavoidable thought of when and where your friend’s second wedding will be.
It sounds like this is an exchange of vows that no one is a fan of. Other than your friend, who just wants to open up some grape with all of you in Southampton on Sunday night.
I hate to say it. But you might be cooked.
Prayers for a weekend breakup.
P╞r╠℮P.S. The Postage Stamp at the top of the newsletter is Shinnecock, the site of this week’s US Open in Southampton, by Dave Baysden. It’s also the art on this month’s postcard for members of the Postage Club.
If you haven’t seen it on socials, the third edition of our monthly mail club, the Postage Club, was sent out earlier this month. It’s a nod to Father’s Day and paired with a postcard of a Dave Baysden Shinnecock painting, printed exclusively for our members. If you subscribe before Scheffler gets it together and makes his weekend charge, we’ll send it to you. Thanks for being here.
