No. 36: Kind of Broke 80?
Dear Pards,
37 yr. old, father of two. 12.3, remote tech guy, like most millennials who picked up the game during COVID. Leaves are changing in NE Georgia, and Kirby has the Dawgs in a great spot ahead of Bama tomorrow night. My game is looking tight too. For me at least. Knocked off the big break 80 milestone earlier this week. Par 72, 72.1/138 for all the Tide trolls in the comments. However, I’d like a second opinion on one small asterisk on the card. Let me set the stage…
The first four holes proved to be just another, as the kids say, “mid” start from my mediocre game. Five squares on the card through 4. On 5 tee (par 3), we rolled up to a foursome on the green who waved us up to play through. Both my buddy and I managed to scrape a couple of nine irons onto the green. As you know, there’s an unspoken rule not to play Tom Kim on the putting surface when a group is nice enough to let you play through. In fact, my buddy even asked me in the cart ride up if we want to just take two putts a piece and move on. As an avid bird hunter, I opted to run up and take a stab at the rare tweeter. My buddy swatted it down to 6 inches first, picked up his ball, and held the flag for me. I, of course, missed mine and ran it a few feet by. I say 3, my buddy says 4. Feeling rushed by the group, and the putt being inconsequential to our match, my buddy said it’s good, I raked, and said the standard thanks to the fellas while hurrying off the green.
Well, I think you know what happens next. I got some suds in me at the turn and went on a little par bender, with one natty bird mixed in. It all added up to 79. I hit every cup except that putt on the 5th. Unlike most vanity caps, I take pride in hitting cups and playing by the rules, and my buddies will back me on that. I really didn’t think twice about it at the time since I was +5 thru four and didn’t think it was the day. Yet here we are, unable to put the toothpaste back in the tube. I didn’t make the putt, yet I didn’t miss it either? Shoot it to me straight, did I break 80?
-Asterisked in Atlanta
Dear Asterisked,
Thanks for your detailed submission and honesty. You’ve found yourself in an interesting dilemma, and the best way for me to respond is with a bit of a confession myself.
We recently introduced [lowers voice] screens to our daughter on mornings when she wakes up before either of us can form a sentence. To justify this neglectful act of parenting, we’ve enacted a rule that the show must air in Swedish, which is my wife’s second language and the native tongue of half her family.
You sound more honest than most twelve handicaps I know. That said, you raked a putt we’ve both seen a prime Spieth miss. You did nothing malicious. Yet you won’t get me to erase the asterisk.
It doesn’t matter if you’re playing through, or Peppa Pig Greta Gris is playing in a different language. Screens are screens and a rake is a rake. It’s a bummer, but it is what it is.
80 is better than 90.
P╞r╠℮P.S. The stamp at the top of the newsletter is a sneak peek of the art in this month’s mail club, by Dave Baysden. I’ll send a high-crowned tour visor to the first one to respond to this email with the course and hole number.
You know it’s Fall in our household when my wife’s caramel lattes switch from iced to hot, and my open-toed Birks get shelved for the closed-toed Bostons. I do, however, throw on the Xtratufs in the pasture when the screen cuts off, and the cows need water.
I wrote a letter to golf in Autumn that’ll go out sometime next week to members of our snail mail club. It’ll be paired with some sweet art of a Mike Strantz gem and a Maxwell masterpiece by Dave Baysden. If you’re not already a member, but would like to be, smash that button below and hop on board.
There is some big stuff in the works behind the scenes that I’ll hopefully be able to announce to the world in the coming weeks. Stuff that’ll give me more time to write words and move Pards up on the priority list. Stuff that I believe will make
Thankful you’re here.
